Alone

I’m alone. I realized this over the past months as I reflected on my relationships and the level of closeness I felt to those in my life. I found in my heart deep feelings of aloneness. Much of it is my own doing. I’m a pastor. I know that trust is the essential ingredient to any lasting relationship. That’s why pastor’s so often talk about trusting God. If the primary goal of all humanity is relationship with God, then trust in God (his ways, his promises, his nature, his character, his timing, etc.) is critical to all of life.

I stopped trusting a while back. I’m not sure of all the reasons why, but I did. I started doing life on my own. It reminds me of the days before I became a Christ follower. It’s a hard road to go it alone. But I’ve been doing it on my own. I need God, but I also need people. God wants me to have communion with others and he won’t feel that gap for me. But I have to learn to trust others in that process, something I don’t readily do as often now. I trust others with things like picking me up from the airport or taking care of a task for me, but I don’t trust them with my heart. I’m rarely vulnerable before others. When I cry, I prefer to weep my tears alone. I know it won’t always be like this, but it is at the moment and I feel really lonely in it.

The hope in all this is that I’m not all alone. When I cry those lonely tears God catches me. If no one listens, he opens an ear to me. So ultimately I’m not alone, which is excellent news. But I also hope this is a season that will pass quickly and I’ll be able to lean on a few close brothers and sisters in Christ soon.

Joy in 2012

I took some time yesterday to work through some really helpful questions from this email I received from Getting Things Done: http://www.davidco.com/newsletters/archive/0112.html. I realized one large gap in my life as I reviewed the previous year. I accomplished a lot, but had little joy. If there’s one word I want others to be able to describe me with in 2012 its the word joy.

As I was in prayer this morning I realized that I can do many things, but if I lack joy then it diminishes the beauty of the Christian life in to one big chore. Obviously we have things we must accomplish, but how can we do them in such a way as to exude and make evident to the world our deep joy and gladness?

My first step in this is to rededicate my prayer life. Before I set off to do my many tasks for the day I am seeking the calm and peace that comes from sitting in prayer before God. In short, I’m done being busy simply for the sake of busyness. Busyness seems to breed haste and haste breeds emptiness. Prayer breeds poise and poise breeds joyfulness. Let us be joyful.

Humility leads to Pleasure

“Humility was largely meant as a restraint upon the arrogance and infinity of the appetite of man. He was always outstripping his mercies with his own newly invented needs. His very power of enjoyment destroyed half his joys. By asking for pleasure, he lost the chief pleasure; for the chief pleasure is surprise. Hence it became evident that if a man would make his world large, he must be always making himself small” (GK Chesterton, Orthodoxy).

Chesterton’s work is so rich all it takes is a little quote to stir the mind up. Humility is one of those words that whole books can be written to try to explain it’s meaning. Pleasure and humility seem to be partners that dance with one another. This is how I understand it. But what I find difficult is to enjoy the pleasures God gives us in any sustaining way. In a culture that allows me to access anything I want exactly when I want it, well, it’s easy to see how my appetite for pleasure can run wild and steal the joy out of everything.

If I want a new song, I download it. If I want a cup of coffee, I choose from 10 places in Westwood and get it. If I want to watch the latest movie, I go see it at one of eight theaters. If I crave In-n-Out burger, I walk down the street and devour it. In such a wealthy (literally in a bad economy we are still rolling in the dough compared to many in the world), diverse culture like ours in the U.S. it’s quite difficult to not only understand humility, but to invite it in as a way of life.

The sad part about a culture like ours is that it steals the simple pleasures and moments of surprise also, like the rolling of beach waves against the shore or simply sitting and watching a sunset or staring at a plant because it’s just too much to comprehend so we need to stop and meditate on God’s beauty.

God has given us opportunities to practice humility, not to limit us, but to liberate us so we can fully experience pleasure. We can fast from food and/or beverages. Food never tasted so good as after fasting. We can wait for the movie to come out on DVD. Then the story might actually move us on a deep level. We can serve and get to know the poor in our cities rather than serving ourselves. Then it makes our own friends/family/community feel like a gift again. We can be silent. Then it will be a joy to speak and we might actually have something encouraging to say. These are just a few ways I can think of to practice humility on the day to day and therefore a renewed sense of pleasure. God is on our side.

Chesterton’s Orthodoxy

“How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it; if you could really look at other men with common curiosity and pleasure; if you could see them walking as they are in their sunny selfishness and their virile indifference! You would begin to be interested in them, because they were not interested in you. You would break out of this tiny and tawdry theatre in which your own little plot is always being played, and you would find yourself under a freer sky, in a street full of splendid strangers” (GK Chesterton, Orthodoxy).

One thing I notice in my own life is that it’s difficult to be interested in someone else’s life when I am consumed in my own. I can’t listen very well when my own problems constantly clamor for attention. One of the best ways for us to experience some freedom from our “little plot” and move to God’s expansive plot is to take one day per week to dedicate to God. We need one day to not be defined by how much we produce or how important we perceive ourselves to be. We need one day to remember that our first vocation is to be the child of a loving, heavenly Father. Sabbath rest is not antithetical to producing meaningful work; it’s a necessity for it.

So many of my friends in LA are consumed by their work that it creates this massive anxiety that squeezes out the joy of living, as well as, the gentle voice of God’s direction. If we believed that we work with God, by his side, like an apprentice or understudy, we wouldn’t be so frantic all the time. We all want to leave a mark, but the mark we leave is really up to God (it’s his kingdom he’s invited us into, not the other way around). If we really want to leave a legacy we need to turn our attentions toward God and his eternal purposes. I prefer the “freer sky” of life. But this way of being will take some considerable conversion. I need to change. Like John the Baptist once said, “I must become lesser and lesser so he [Christ] can become more and more.”

Back to School

I will finally be back in school this quarter after 4 quarters of not being in school. I’m happy to be studying again and I’ll be in a class with JR Woodward created by a world-known professor, Dr. Karkkainen. So I’m anticipating learning amazing things this quarter in Systematic Theology 3. Here’s the course description from the Fuller website:

“This course discusses Christian beliefs about ecclesiology and eschatology. The topics include the church, its nature as expressed in various ecclesial traditions, ministry and mission, sacraments/ordinances, as well as various approaches to the last things: parousia, death, resurrection, new creation, judgment, millennium, heaven and hell. A contemporary Evangelical theology will be construed in dialogue with ecumenical and contextual/intercultural perspectives.”

Year in Review

I was reading Seth Godin’s blog and thought it would be helpful to write down what I accomplished in 2010 (that is before I begin to crank on 2011). Here’s a few things. I’m pretty sure I have forgotten some major moments, but this is a start. Try it yourself, it will probably encourage you.

*Kairos West LA prayer and planning retreat in Big Bear to kick off the New Year.

*Attending the Ecclesia National Conference in Washington, DC.

*Fundraising in New York City and Northern California.

*Finished the exterior of the Ecodome in Mexico.

*Helped start our Bruin Breakfast ministry.

*Became a published author in the book Viral Hope.

*Led 2 Fuller Masters student groups during their Los Angeles immersion experience.

*Another planning Retreat in Big Bear for Kairos West LA.

*Helped start our first Discipleship Community for Westwood.

*Helped baptize a Muslim friend in the Pacific Ocean.

*Preached 7 times at our Sunday gathering in Kairos West LA.

*Became an ordained minister with Jeremiah Caleb and Matt Mabrey.

*Performed my first wedding ceremony for Nelson & Denise Garcia.

*Helped throw the LA 2010 Unconference in November.

*Helped throw my dad a fun 60th birthday party.

*Helped serve at the 2010 Christmas Toy Giveaway in Hollywood.

*Took an overnight retreat to Solvang, CA with my roommate.

*Blogged a lot more this year :)

Looking Ahead at the New Year

As we very quickly approach 2011 we can face many emotions. Excitement about new opportunities, remorse about losses or failures from 2010, anxiety about what will happen, motivation as we sit down and make a list of goals and resolutions. Because the emotions can be overwhelming or underwhelming I’d encourage you to begin the year in worship, especially prayer. In prayer we can leave the emotions with God’s able hands to comfort and confront us in the most loving way possible.

And instead of making a list of goals and resolutions. Maybe this year don’t write anything down. Just think of the one thing you want to change in your life and then start to pray about changing that area of your life. Prayer invites God’s presence and action into your life in a unique way. The psychology of prayer is also worth noting because prayer is a way of renewing our minds. When we pray often we begin to think differently, thus eventually acting differently. So pick one thing, pray about it, and see what happens. Happy New Year!

What would you say to the world and would it be judgmental?

If you could get up behind a mic and say anything to the world what would it be? Many of us, I would guess, would jump to pronounce judgment. Henri Nouwen gives us a moment of reflection that renews our minds to be more Christlike. This one challenged me.

“To the degree that we accept that through Christ we ourselves have been reconciled with God we can be messengers of reconciliation for others. Essential to the work of reconciliation is a nonjudgmental presence. We are not sent to the world to judge, to condemn, to evaluate, to classify, or to label. When we walk around as if we have to make up our mind about people and tell them what is wrong with them and how they should change, we will only create more division. Jesus says it clearly: “Be compassionate just as your Father is compassionate. Do not judge; … do not condemn; … forgive” (Luke 6:36-37).

In a world that constantly asks us to make up our minds about other people, a nonjudgmental presence seems nearly impossible. But it is one of the most beautiful fruits of a deep spiritual life and will be easily recognized by those who long for reconciliation.” ~Henri Nouwen

What is the purpose of our body?

Yesterday at our Sunday gathering for Kairos West LA we sat around a U-shaped table and had a great breakfast instead of our normal worship. We then discussed the incarnation of Christ and came across the question, “What is the purpose of our bodies?”

This turned into some insightful and interesting answers. One was that our body is a place where we communicate and interact with the rest of the world. It is our primary means of connection to others and creation. Another answer was that our body is a place where we protect ourselves from the toughness of the world (i.e. disease, natural disaster, the elements, etc.). Another answer was that our body is the place where we can choose to be selfish or self-giving.

Adam and Eve sinned and invited death into the world ultimately through their bodies. The second Adam, Christ, came to restore life in his very human body. A human body invited death and a second human body was needed to invite life again. Christ also showed us the way a body can be used to worship God the Father, which I believe, is the short and sweet answer to the title question. Our bodies were made to worship. And we can worship in many ways like praying with our heart and thoughts and words, speaking truth with love to others, serving others in a myriad of ways, thinking about heavenly things, smiling, and working for the good of society.

But often our bodies don’t want to follow us. We have to choose disciplines for worship. If I want to get to know God I have to choose with my body to spend time with him. I have to choose to wake up early, choose to read the Bible and not the newspaper, choose to pray, choose to listen for God, and choose to obey his commands. And then even though my head or heart may be in distant places far from God one will follow the other and vice versa. Our bodies were made to worship and we have to choose for it to do so. We truly have a choice of what happens to us and our world, “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul” (Poem Invictus by William Ernest Henley). Or as James put it, “Draw near to God and he will draw near to you” (James 4:8).

The Incarnation of God

The incarnation of Christ is all at once mysterious, awe-inspiring, and revealing. It’s mysterious because Christ came by way of a virgin birth, conceived by the Holy Spirit. It’s awe-inspiring because the Lord of heaven and earth allowed himself to be born in a time when as soon as his feet hit the ground his life was being conspired against by the likes of Herod, the ruling king of the day. It’s revealing because it shows us how very humble God is in character. Remember Simeon who longed to see the Messiah before he died was led by the Holy Spirit to the Temple to see the Messiah just as he and his parents, Mary and Joseph, were arriving. But the humility of it is that Jesus was held in Simeon’s arms, like any newborn baby. Can you imagine holding the Lord of all creation in your arms, rocking him back and forth, and perhaps kissing his forehead? Even greater still can you imagine that the Lord of all creation would allow you to hold him, trusting your capable arms?